Driving into Nashville last night was quite the experience. It was dark, but the downtown skyline was stunning. When my GPS said twenty minutes away, I started to have a bit of a meltdown. Thank you, Leslie Davidson, for your pep talk and encouraging words at that moment.
I am not sure what my problem was. Well, aside from the fact that Nick was supposed to be with me. I guess my melt down occurred because I was scared as Fuck. It hit me about 20 minutes out of Nashville that I actually did it. I actually drove 3, 334km, by myself. WHAT WAS I THINKING? F&^% ya. Sorry Mom.
Just minutes away from my hotel I was thinking of Nick. Of course, I am always thinking of Nick, but I was just thinking about how damn excited he would have been, and of course, I had the Highway Radio station on.
Side note: DO YOU KNOW HOW COOL IT IS TO BE LISTENING TO THE HIGHWAY WHEN YOU ARE ACTUALLY IN NASHVILLE? Soooooooo cool.
Anyway, the song “Today” by Brad Paisley came on the radio when I was a few minutes from my hotel. Nick and I loved Bradly. You all know that because I have written about it a million times. We had the pleasure of seeing him three times live together so there is no doubt Nick would use one of his songs to show me that he was with me and I wasn’t alone.
Side Note #2: I’m sitting in the bar lounge at my hotel right now and as I typed that I got chills and now I am in tears, although I am not afraid to cry in public anymore. Sometimes people ask if I am okay and sometimes they don’t and either way it’s okay. This is my reality and I am trying very hard to embrace the good and the bad.
If you haven’t heard the song I mentioned, please listen to it. The words speak so much truth, and it captures so much about how I have felt in the last eight months. Nick’s love for me has given me the strength to do everything I have done since he died and I am truly grateful for that.
I remember the day; I think back in May or June when I told my Mom and my Aunt that I had decided I was going to go to Nashville by myself for my wedding day. I will never forget the looks on their faces. I guarantee they didn’t think I would actually do it. But I did.
Last night, as much as I wanted to go out, I knew I needed sleep. I hadn’t slept for days and every few days my body says SLEEP NOW. That’s when I need to pop the good stuff and force myself to sleep. Anyone who knows me knows I hate prescription drugs, but when your body is about to shut down from exhaustion, you have to swallow your pride and just take care of yourself. That’s what I did, but first I ordered Dominos pizza. In Nashville. Fuck ya.
My hotel is so nice, and my bed is a cloud in heaven.
I slept until 9 am. I set my alarm for 7 am, but I missed it. I actually felt pretty darn good when I woke up.
What do I do now? Umm, coffee I need coffee.
I went to 12 Avenue South; which I had been told was a great place to check out. Conveniently it is very close to my hotel and parking was super cheap. In fact, the parking meter was one of the first things I recognized and knew how to use.
Why are the gas stations weird here?
I went the the Frothy Monkey, and I was instantly in heaven. Such a cool place and the coconut cream latte was to die for. I am going back tomorrow morning.
I decided there was no need to break into Nashville gently. I drove straight to Broadway Ave downtown and got the party started.
When I got there, I am not going to lie; I was happier than a pig in shit. Wow. Nothing but live music, beer, and super friendly people. I even got hit on by one of the live acts. The singer told me he loved me as I was walking out the door. I am sure he says that to everyone who tips him but I don’t care, it still counts. I spent about five hours down there today but decided to save the real fun for tomorrow night, and I am certainly not going to drive like I did 😉 today.
I don’t really have much more to say tonight, but I do want to say this; YOU CAN do whatever your heart desires and whatever the fuck you want.
This became very apparent to me today when I kept saying to myself, “I am in Nashville.” “I am in Nashville by myself,” and why the fuck not.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you-you can’t, and remember, the one person who will more than likely tell you that; IS YOU.
I am so scared right now. I am happy, scared, sad, excited, nervous, and so many other emotions; but I am here, and I love it.
Tomorrow is here. So many people have messaged me saying things like, “I know tomorrow will be rough,” or, “Tomorrow is going to be so hard but I am thinking of you.” I love everyone who has reached out, and I am so thankful you are thinking of me but know this, tomorrow will be beautiful. It will be beautiful in a different way than what we thought, but it will be beautiful.
I have two women coming to my hotel tomorrow to help me make the day special and meaningful, and I will introduce them later, but I promise you, I will be okay. Oh, and I am going to Chris Stapleton so thats pretty awesome.
I am going to leave it at that tonight, but just so that you know, NASHVILLE IS AWESOME.
PS. the bartenders at my hotel, Rachel Wammack and Kyle Jefferson are going to be famous some day, and I love them both. These two were so sweet and genuine, and they even took a picture with me and signed my book. This is why Nashville can make anyone’s heart full. Thank you-you two and I wish you luck on your adventure’s.