Usually, I try to write once each week, but there is something I needed to share that could not wait. Between this entry and my writing group, I have been attached to my laptop since I arrived home from Medicine Hat this evening.
On Tuesday morning, at around 8 am my friend Amanda sent me a text message that said the following:
Ok friend … I had the most beautiful crazy real dream this morning with Nick. Your not even going to believe what I tell you! I have been going over it over and over again to remember every last detail so I can tell you everything. Crying for the past hour while I think about it … I’m just at a loss for words… so surreal
So we should talk later .. let’s set up a time so I can tell you everything. I’m in Regina right now my grandma’s in the hospital waiting for surgery. So just let me know what time works for you. Ok.
When I read this, I was not only intrigued, but I instantly knew this was going to be interesting because I too was in Regina. Neither me or Amanda live in Regina, and I just happened to be there to finally watch my beautiful cousin dance in a show she is in every year, but I have never been. My cousin is a beautiful dancer by the way.
When I told Amanda I was in Regina her response was none other than, “Shut up, are you serious?”.
For those none believers, brace yourselves because what I am about to share is amazing.
I called Amanda later Tuesday evening when I got back to Medicine Hat and said okay, tell me.
Amanda said she was in one dream and somehow was pulled out of it and entered into another dream where she was sitting on a couch, and Nick was beside her. Keep in mind, Amanda has only met Nick once, and it was at a birthday party and very brief. Amanda went on to say she was in a room with Nick and other people she didn’t know but knew in her dream that they were people Nick loved. Nick was wearing jeans and a gray plaid shirt. Nick started to talk to Amanda about the special days he was going to miss and went into his pocket and pulled out two heart-shaped objects that Amanda said they referred to as poker chips in her dream. Amanda said one of the chips was cream colored and had gold writing on it, which she read but can’t remember what it said. The other one was what Amanda described as a blue, turquoise, aqua type color and had a gold heart shape on it. Nick told her these chips were what he had to remember me by and the special days that were to come. (I was crying happy tears by this point listening to Amanda describe her dream because there were things I knew that she didn’t). But wait it gets better.
Amanda said Nick started to cry and was upset. She was rubbing his back, and he said to her, “why can you see me and Megan can’t?”. Amanda said to him, “because Megan loves you too much and maybe that’s why she can’t see you.”
Many people have told me many times that my grief right now is still so strong, and my sleep is still too messed up, that even if Nick wanted to come to me, he would have a hard time doing so. I have read this in many books about spirit as well, so I think Amanda was bang on when she said I couldn’t see him because my love for him is so strong and my grief still so consuming.
Amanda continued to comfort Nick and said, “Nick I am going to Thersa Caputo (Long Island Medium) on Friday, and you need to come through and give me a message for Megan. Amanda said to bring up the poker chips and that way she will know it’s him. Nick laughed and said, “you want me to come with you?”, And Amanda said yes. Amanda didn’t realize I was also going to be there on Friday.
At the end of Nick’s dream, I appeared and smiled at Amanda. As soon as I looked toward Nick’s direction, he was gone. Amanda was then told to wake up and answer her phone. When she woke up, she answered her phone, and it was the hospital telling her that her Grandmother was going in for surgery.
Here is the amazing part. I haven’t talked to Amanda in about a month, and there are significant parts of her dream that she wasn’t even aware of. The turquoise, blue, aqua type color is the same color as my nails right now. I know this because while she was describing the color I told her I was going to send her a picture of my nails after we got off the phone. When I did, she said that is the exact color. That color is my favorite color and was going to be our wedding color. Amanda didn’t know this, and if she had known it she would have just said one chip was cream colored, and the other one was your favorite color. I have been searching for something I may have posted on Facebook, or something I may have blogged about or sent Amanda that might have resulted in that color being subconsciously in her mind without her even knowing it and the only thing I could come up with was maybe our wedding invites because there was a tiny bit of that colour on them. Even then, it still gets better.
That gold writing on that poker chip is a mystery, but I might have an idea what it said. For our 29th birthday, I made Nick a book that contained professional photos of me and some of our favorite quotes. I also wrote him a letter in that book, and it read very much like what my vows would have said. Some of you may have noticed at the viewing in Nick’s casket beside him was a small box with the quote “sometimes all you need to do is breathe and know that everything will work out in the end,” in that box was the book I made him. I had it cremated with him so he could take it to heaven as a reminder of how much I loved him. Amanda wasn’t at the viewing, and I told very few people about that book.
Now for the most bizarre part of her dream. In her dream, Nick was very upset and frustrated that Amanda could see him and I couldn’t. What Amanda didn’t know was that last week there were three days in a row that I spent a good portion of my evening laying in bed crying and talking with Nick. I told others about these conversations, but I didn’t tell Amanda. I begged him to come to me. I begged him to let me see him and let me hold him.
On Sunday, I texted my friend Heather, and I said the following:
I haven’t cried so hard than I have the last four nights but the weird thing is (and maybe it’s the Ativan), but I have really felt Nick in my room just listening to me talk to him. I haven’t been dreaming about him, but when I have been waking up, it has felt really weird. Like he has been there.
I didn’t tell Amanda any of this; we haven’t talked in a month. For three solid days, I cried and begged Nick to come to me and let me hold him, and I felt him there, but I couldn’t see him. I tried so hard to see him but I couldn’t. These are the moments people don’t realize happen when you are suffering this bad. The moments where you are laying in your bed in the pure darkness trying so hard to see the person you miss so badly. I felt him each night and each morning I felt a strong presence in my room like Nick had been there.
Still think I am crazy? I don’t know if Nick will be able to come through at the Long Island Medium. I don’t even know if Theresa Caputo is a legit medium or if she just does it for the fame, but I do know that Amanda’s dream was legitimately a visit from Nick. Somehow we were both in Regina at the same time, and somehow Nick was able to confide in Amanda and share frustrations with her that were entirely consistent to my week leading up to her dream.
Nick is with us my friends, and I know he will keep finding ways to show us that he is in our hearts, homes, and dreams and although his physical being is gone, his spirit will always be here.
I love you Amanda and thank you for allowing me to share this with everyone.